The whipping went on. JJ took the rope and yanked on it. I started to cry. I often did when we did these things off-camera. JJ was slightly horrified by my crying. It was a release for me, scary for him.

I don't think he took it for granted that I would tell him when enough was enough. I suppose I wasn't so sure of that myself. I really wanted to prove myself to him, and to myself.

While I wasn't the pliable thing that Camille was when she met JJ, there were many things I needed to figure out. I was wondering how things would work out with JJ and with RFPIX.

We were in the jungle, in this hot climate because we were making a couple of documentaries. I wondered if I would be doing this forever or if I would get into soemthing that interested me more. I'm not knocking documentaries here, but it wasn't exactly my career choice. I'm much more into fiction. That's how I came to live with JJ. I came to his house for a casting in one of his films and basically invited myself into his house to live. Creepy? Maybe. But it all worked out.

I knew Jane could take the whip, she proved that to me all this time. There was no safe word between us, not yet, even if I suggested it to her at the beginning, maybe she forgot. In all this time she never stopped me, directly or indirectly. She took all the lashes without rejecting any of them.

Was she more resistant than Camille? Camille had her limits and she made them known to me in way I could understand, including a good kick in the balls. Gabrielle will mumble a word or two when it was too much and I understood. Jane was more like Gabrielle thatn Camille. She was more masochistic. Camille was always the rebel, the fighter who struggle in her torture. Gabrielle was the one that took her pain in and Jane connected a lot to Crux Bride because of it. So, Jane took it more, and more, and more.

I would lash her as hard as I felt it was safe, but knew it was painful. I saw tears in her eyes while I saw that she was expecting more. Our love making after those moments was very intense and our kisses were wet with her tears. It was great, but scary.