February 2005

I just got home from Jared's apartment. He called me up and offered me tickets to his show and then I went home with him. The show was a lot of fun, they brought this old lady on stage. Yeah, it was fun, but I was just looking at Jared the entire time. I love to watch someone I know perform. Not that I know him very well.

We were hungry after the show, so he suggested a couple of places, they just happened to be near his apartment and then it was late, so he asked me to come over. So, we sat on the couch and he gets out these books about oddities, which it so happens we are both crazy about. Phenomena, physical oddities, anatomy. We talked for a long time and then I looked at him and he got the message and kissed me. But the way he did it was amazing. He leaned in very smoothly and at the same time reached around with his left hand for my neck and held my neck in a way I liked very much. I moaned when he tightened his grip on my neck, he knew then that I liked it. I knew right then he was someone I could do different things with. We kissed ferociously like animals, but nice, his hands were very strong on my body, grabbing me, he crushed me to him like in a novel or something. Something was propelling us into a frenzy. He stood up, taking me with him, he's 6'3", my feet lifted off the floor and we got into the bedroom, crashing against walls, tripping over rugs, not very elegant, but passionate.

He peeled off my layers of raggedy white tee shirts and found that I wasn't wearig a bra, that excited him even more and he pulled off my jeans, socks and panties. He stood up and looking me in the eye the entire time stripped his clothes off very carefully, slowly, looking at me, looking at my body, tossing each piece of clothing to the floor as he removed it. When he had removed all of his clothing, he stood by the edge of the bed, still looking into my eyes and told me to get up. I stood up and he turned me around, bent me over, my hands on the edge of the bed and fucked me without a another word. I was enthralled, I have never had anyone make love to me like this before. After a while he turned me around and threw me back on the bed, the down comforter enveloped me, he reached out his arm, grabbed my throat in just the right way, and slid into me like he had always been there.

Afterwards, I asked if I could spend the night and he looked at me like I'm crazy and said, "Of course, I expected that!?". I guess my standard for kicking men out of bed after sex might have been a little mean. But the only time I ever let anyone sleep over was with Julian, I let him sleep in my bed and he didn't leave for five years. So that's what I get.

Jared is just the right size. I don't think I have ever been in bed with anyone as good as he. Really. He was slightly disappointed to learn that I don't have an orgasm during sex, that I never have. But he was nice about it. I didn't feel like faking it and then having to do that every time. And then having to explain that I like to masturbate in front of a man after having sex. He fucked me for two hours. Have I only been with adolescents before this, or what??? He is masterful in bed. I promised myself I would hint at some things I want to try next time I'm over there.

He loves sex, he breathes it. I can't bear to think about the mediocre sex I have had before this. I love having sex with him. It's always been nice the first time I have sex with a man, especially when I don't know them very well, and then swiftly goes downhill, but I don't think it will be like that with him. We'll see, we obviously have similar interests, in more than just sex. He seems to like the same weird things I do like obscure dark-metal bands and curiosity cabinets, monkey hands and whatnot. It feels so strange to find someone who likes these things and is amazing in bed.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!